Jobs are for the birds

I think many more people would be employed if it wasn't for the job interview. The job interview seems a bit backwards to me. How am I supposed to demonstrate my ability to do a job that I haven't been hired for yet? "Why would I be the right fit for this job? Well, I need a job and you have a job." That seems to be as good of reason as any. Of course you can't say this at an interview. A typical response goes something like this:

"There are a numerous reasons why this exciting position would fit me like a glove. First of all, I just want to say that this coffee is excellent. Secondly, I really like your tie. Thirdly, I'm an over-achiever. If I were to have this job I would do more than just achieve. I would achieve and then I would achieve some more. How much more? That's for you to find out once you hire me. All you have to know is that I will do a lot of achieving."

A job interview is really just an opportunity to say as many good things about yourself as possible in twenty minutes or less. The first five minutes are pretty easy. "I'm a hard worker. I get along well with others. I'm a good team player. I have extensive experience in the field." The last five minutes are usually the hardest. "Well... I floss five times a week. My rash seems to be going away. I can order the seafood special in five languages. Did I mention that I'm a hard worker?" Maybe this is why interviews can be so intimidating. You have to sit in front of a complete stranger and give an account for your entire life. The interviewer then sits in his or her office chair like a Roman Emperor weighing the importance of your existence.

I would like to apply to be a garbage man. How hard could that interview be. "Can you pick up trash? Yes I can. Can you hang off the back of truck looking incredibly bored and frustrated with life? Yes I can. Can you change your name to Rick since we're too cheap to buy new uniforms?