Butlers and Anarchists

I always feel a little guilty whenever someone bags my groceries for me. It feels like a nonverbal way of telling the world I’m too good to do the menial tasks of life. That is why I could never have a butler. If I did have a butler I think he would be extremely bored. “Well Geeves, why don’t you pour the Raisin Bran this time. I suppose you could iron my t-shirts next. Heck, just take the day off.” Most days would consist of my butler and I sitting at the coffee shop. He could get me a refill when I needed one but then I wouldn’t have anything to do so I bet we would take turns getting each other refills. I would probably have to hire another butler just so the original butler would have more things to do. Between the three of us we could either make enough of a mess or have enough issues to keep everybody busy most of the time.

I think you would lose touch with the rest of civilization after a few months of having a butler. There is something about doing laundry that grounds you to reality. If I meet a well dressed business man in an elevator I think, “This guy runs in some powerful circles but he also washes his own underwear. And so do I.” The same grounding rule is true in the supermarket. There is something very humanizing about trying to pick out produce. A few days ago I was standing next to a guy dressed head to toe in black with an anarchist symbol on his t-shirt. Normally I wouldn’t have much in common with an anarchist but I felt a connection with him as we stared at the zucchini. I had no idea which one to pick and it was obvious that he was equally lost. I don’t even like zuchinni and I’ll bet he didn’t either but by some strange force we were drawn to them, wondering what it would taste like on a salad. So I just stood there for a while in perfect harmony with an anarchist, relishing the moment I would have lost had I sent my butler.

I'm betting the anarchist didn't bag his own groceries. He probably didn't even use a bag. He most likely stuck them in his shoe or something crazy like that just to make a statement. Better yet, if he was a true anarchist he should have taken someone else's groceries. I don't think he has a butler either. He probably has an anti-butler. I'm not sure what an anti-butler would do but the next time I see my friend in front of the zucchinis I'll make sure to ask him.