Guys and Mirrors

When a doctor delivers a baby determining the sex can done two ways. The first one is obvious. The second method is to check for any egos that are attached to the newborn. If there's an ego, you've got a boy. It's the truth. Guys always have an ego. Some have more than others but none of us are immune. If their is a guy sitting in a room with a mirror, at some point the guy will nonchalantly look in in the mirror to check his hair. If he has no hair he'll check his teeth to see if any spinach got lodged between his bicuspids. He believes that spinach will give him the muscles of popeye and popeye is the dream that lives inside of every guy. This is why weight rooms are wall to wall mirrors. This is the only socially acceptable place where guys can look at themselves for hours and flex their muscles without being completely harassed.

I've never understood why prisons and weightlifting always go together. If I was a warden, I'd be a little worried watching convicted felons bench press 500 lbs. Instead, I would institute a doughnuts and Mountain Dew diet. If everyone was a little pudgy they would be less likely to overpower the guards. I would also install round the clock episodes of 24. "Jack Bauer is legwrestling terrorist insurgents while juggling nuclear warheads. I guess the prison riot will have to wait. Pass me another apple fritter."

Of course we can make fun of guys and their egos but society would not be as far along if it wasn't for the power of the ego. Might I remind you what Neil Armstrong uttered when he stepped on the moon. "That's one small step for man, and one giant step for me 'cause chicks are going to think I'm so hot." (That statement was eventually edited by a woman.) On the other hand if Neil Armstrong had been a woman they would have arrived five hours earlier because they stopped for directions and the statement would have sounded like this:

Woman: Hello moon. With a little help we could make this place look pretty nice. We are going to have to do something with all these rocks though."

The Moon: Hey. Don't change me.

Okay, it's only going downhill from here folks.