And the last shall be: second to last?

I am breathing sighs of relief knowing that the title 'worst blogger ever' has been expunged from my record. Although I'm still a bit troubled. Does this mean I'm in next to last place?

It's rather hard to put a positive spin on being the absolute worst at something. Maybe that's why we call it 'dead last'. It's about as hopeless as being dead. The one exception is Jeopardy. If you're dead last on Jeopardy, you're still smarter than 99.99% of the population. Anyone who knows the atomic number of manganese can afford to be dead last. Unless your Alex Tribek. He doesn't know the answers. Any numbskull can read off the telepromptor and then give a smug look that says, "you nimwit, everyone knows Mikhail Feodorovich was the first Romanov Czar. How did you get on this show?" If I ever got on Jeopardy I would would show up with casts on each of my thumbs. I would look really smart because I would try to push my buzzer each time but what can I do, I've got thumb casts on. Then I would nod in agreement with each right answer and act really frustrated as if the money should have gone to me for that question.

Being dead last in the New York Marathon is not so good. Why don't the sports networks interview the guy who finally staggers across the finish line after twelve and a half hours? "Well, I started out well but I became a little frustrated around mile thirteen when the guy pushing the hot dog stand was gaining on me, but I knew I had to stick it out." This would be the person we most relate to. Unlike the human anomaly who won the marathon without breaking a sweat, the general public wants to hear about the guy doubled over in the bushes. We can sympathize that person. It makes us think, "you know, if this guy can eat four chili cheese dogs and run the New York marathon, maybe I can too?" Although we are continually nagged by the lurking fear that we might come in dead last. And we don't want to face that fear if by chance it might be true.

Why is it snowing on May 1? What egregious sin have we committed to warrant this punishment? Search your souls.