What? You didn't notice I was gone?

Alright, I'm back. Yes I know it's been a month. My sincerest apologies. Then again who am i kidding? I doubt that anyone realized I was gone. I assume this is similar to the NHL strike.

Q: What do you think about the hockey strike?

A: I'm sorry, was someone playing hockey?

(Alternate answer: Will this make gas prices go up?)

At any rate I'm back from my sabbatical. This term is really synonymous with "I was too lazy to write anything", but sabbatical sounds like I was doing research. Of course I'm using the phrase 'doing research' quite loosely but it can mean something other than finding a cure for cancer. Because of my recent road trip to Chicago I spent a bit of time 'researching' gas station bathrooms. I don't know much about pathogens and the spread of disease but these bathrooms are not helping. You would think the plague would have taught us something. Buying toilet paper from the lowest bidder is one thing but what genius conjured up the cloth hand towel that keeps circulating through the metal box hanging from the wall. Am I supposed to assume that since this towel goes in one side of the dispenser and out the other side it is now cured of all bacteria known to man? What's in that box? A tiny robot with a Febreeze canon? Never mind that I'm wiping my hands on a high school science experiment, it went through the box. It has to be clean.

If this box is so great I'm going to get one for myself. I'll never have to do laundry again. Oh, did you spill red wine on your new white shirt. Not a problem, I'll just run it through my box. I don't know why everyone is so worried about Ebola. I say we all walk around with hand towel dispensers on our heads.

Now that's what I call quality research.